


If I Told You How This Ends

by Ijustneed12percentofamoment



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes After Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Captain America: The First Avenger, Emotional Hurt, Hydra (Marvel), Inspiration, M/M, Memories, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Soulmates, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Quote: I'm with you 'til the end of the line, Recovered Memories, Self-Hatred, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 15:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13906524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ijustneed12percentofamoment/pseuds/Ijustneed12percentofamoment
Summary: If I told you how this ends, would you turn around?Would you still smile?Would you still fight?Of all the memories Bucky returned to, the ones before he was the Winter Soldier hurt the most.





	If I Told You How This Ends

**Author's Note:**

> \- I do NOT own any of the Marvel characters or song lyrics mentioned.  
> \- Inspiration for this work can be found in the end comments

 

_“I will follow you till we all return_

_Till we know our souls survived.”_

_– ‘Returning’ – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club_

 

 

Of all the memories Bucky returned to, the ones before he was the Winter Soldier hurt the most. The crushing weight of everything he wasn’t anymore, and never would be, suffocated him until he was left trembling on all fours gasping for breath. The pieces of the ghost that demanded to be felt dragged him back to the other side, like a cruel reminder of everything that had died in that chasm of ice. Part of him was empty, while other parts held on to a life permanently suspended and refused to let him go; flashing through his memories like the old flickering films he had grown up with.

It always began the same way – with that echo of jazz music from the dance floor so gripping he could feel the steps he hadn’t used for almost a century pulling at his feet. Then voices over the top: _“Where are we going?” “The future.”_

He saw it emerge like photos being developed, the chemicals skimming along the surface of the paper – hard to hold onto and constantly moving - saw himself in his dress uniform the night of the World Fair, tinged in sepia just like the photos in the museum. The shine of innocence and youth in this mirrored, shadow version of himself sent an overwhelming stab of jealousy and anger through him – how naïve he was – how they all were.

 _The future isn’t as exciting as you believe_ …

Sometimes he just relived it. Today, he was a part of it. Bucky stood there, watching himself like an imposter to his own life. This part of him was gone forever, and he looked on as the images skipped and stuttered and replayed themselves, a dark, cruel part of him wanting to go up to this happy-go-lucky, swaggering version of himself and tell him just what was about to happen to him.

_If I told you how this ends, would you turn around?_

Bucky saw himself turn and look back over his shoulder at him, a question in his eyes and he flinched, before he realised he was looking back at someone else.

_Would you still smile?_

Bucky stepped aside and turned to see the younger, shorter Steve he was so familiar with, looking after his best friend as he walked away to war – at the friend he’d never see again – with sadness but with admiration for what he couldn’t do himself. At least not yet.

He looked back at the smudgy, shifting image of himself and saw a grin pull at his lips, playfully tipping his hat and laughing.

A longing to be this happier, ghost Bucky that Steve had said goodbye to sliced so deeply inside his chest he winced.

_Would you still fight?_

He saw himself shaking as he crossed a beam over a lake of fire, and looking back to see if Steve was coming with him. He saw himself land on the top of a train, chanting to himself to not look down as he followed his best friend…

He saw the blood staining his skin, the closing door of a metal chamber, and the blinding light of pain flash across his eyes as he screamed Steve’s name–

_Would you still fight?_

The soft sepia memory repeated itself, flashing and flickering like an electrical current through his system, and he watched again as the erratic vision of his lost self turned back slowly and smiled for the last time at his best friend. His Captain.

And Bucky knew the answer.

_For Steve? Absolutely._

_Until the end of the line._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Justalotoffeelings for helping me with the opening xxx
> 
> I was inspired to write this by the following two pieces of fanart I found on Pinterest (I’m sorry I don’t have the original artist for the Merlin collage – the Winter Soldier/Bucky artist is in the top left hand corner).  
> The quote put together with the image of the Winter Soldier watching Bucky being hugged by Steve was the main source that I relied on (not so much the text underneath), as well as a handful of lyrics and the scene from The Winter Soldier where Steve has the vivid memory of himself at training camp. 
> 
> I’ve listed the songs below in case anyone is interested.
> 
>  
> 
>   
> 
> 
>  
> 
> \- Promise – Ben Howard  
> \- Returning – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club  
> \- Lose Yourself – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club  
> \- Blind You – Didirri  
> \- Ghosts That We Knew – Mumford & Sons  
> \- Charlie Boy – The Lumineers  
> \- Poison & Wine – The Civil Wars


End file.
